Mr. Bartender and I got a chuckle at the announcement that the Jersey Shore Season 2 premiere was ranked the #1 cable telecast of 2010. Really?! Seriously?! Snooki (in or out of jail) and The Situation are now the standard for which we define entertainment?
I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. It appears television is focused on redefining entertainment as watching the misery of others. Like we’ll feel better about ourselves and our life if we watch other people bicker, fight, and file for bankruptcy. Is it possible that we’ll become indifferent to misfortune because we can’t separate entertainment from reality?
It does make me wonder if this will spill over into our real-life work situations. Or maybe it already has.
Bloomberg Businessweek recently published an article citing research that American college students are not as empathic as they used to be. They imply that new media, computer games and the internet could be part of the reason. Also noted is the highly competitive environment we live in.
Developing empathy in ourselves and our employees is important. Empathy is a key component to delivering good customer service. It’s a critical part of emotional intelligence which links directly to leadership. If our future workforce is lacking empathy, how will they relate to customers and their fellow employees?
I believe there are three ways someone can develop a competency – hearing it, seeing it, or doing it. So if you or someone you know needs to work on their empathy skills, here are a few suggestions:
- One approach can be to listen for empathic statements in conversations. Especially with people you know and respect.
- Daniel Goleman, author of the widely successful book Emotional Intelligence, has done a lot of research on the subject of empathy. In fact, he claims there are three kinds of empathy – cognitive, emotional and compassionate. Check out his stuff.
- Lastly, it can be valuable to reflect upon occasions where empathy can be used (or should have been used) and practice how to respond in those situations.
If you want to truly establish a connection with another person, empathy is essential. We should constantly be refining our skills to ensure our ability to remain empathetic. I’m interested to hear where you think this is going. What do you think?
Is empathy on the decline?
Is social media at least partially to blame as Businessweek suggests?
How do you develop empathy in yourself and others?
Drop me your thoughts in the comments.
Image courtesy of royblumenthal
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Nidhi Garg says
Of course, empathy is on a steady decline. Social media, if not directly, has indirectly infuenced the way we react. It leaves no scope for lead time. Impatience leads to corruption of emotions.
The first step to developing empathy is to clear our minds of negativity for the person. If we can cease to see him / her as an adversary, or a competitor, it is much easier to empathise. And next is confrontation of our own issues within our minds. More often than not, some part of us can relate to the mean girl on the show, or the moral dilemmas contestants are faced with. What titillates us is our identification with the ‘badness’. Empathy will come once there is no hidden guilt.
RMSmithJr.SPHR says
I’m always working on discovering and strengthening my typically dormant empathy. (I’m a private person with subtle introversion.)
Have read Goleman, in fact, facilitated a book club discussion on Primal Leadership at last year’s Maine HR Convention.
Current path of discovery is Pema Chodron’s book Comfortable With Uncertainty. There are elements of guided empathy explorations that are worth waking the heart up with.
One thing I have started, will restarted doing is to not email someone when the subject may become tender. A phone call is better. Face to face always best.
Sharlyn Lauby says
@Nidhi – Thanks for the comment. I agree it’s difficult to empathize when you have negative feelings about the person. And, it’s hard to sometimes separate ourselves from those feelings.
@RMSmithJr – I consider myself to be a very private person as well. While I can empathize with the person, I don’t always express it…because that involves putting my personal feelings out there. Thanks for sharing the book recommendation. I’ve added a link for others to access it.
Ginger says
I definitely think empathy is on the decline. I also think social media could be partially to blame… (interesting debate going on over at Rehaul!) as could certain forms of entertainment, such as Jersey Shore.
I don’t know how one would go about becoming more empathetic. You would have to first realize you weren’t…and wouldn’t that realization be a form of empathy in itself? Feeling bad because you find yourself callous? I don’t know. I think empathy would be much harder to develop as an adult. It seems like one of those things that would really have start early on in life.
On a lighter note – I will say – there is something to be said for making yourself feel better by watching these TV shows. When I lost my job, Maury came on after Ellen…which came on after Martha Stewart…which came on after the Today Show (I had a full day). I would often think “I know I’m bummed I don’t have a job. This is hard. It sucks. But at least I don’t have 18 possible baby daddies. It could be much worse” And that did make me feel a little better…
Ginger says
Oooh – you know what? I completely overlooked an important part of your post: developing empathy in your employees/other people. I think you can do that! I think that is important! First step? Maybe setting a good example yourself – the way you operate and function as a business.
Sharlyn Lauby says
@Ginger – I hadn’t really thought through the whole “18 possible baby daddies” scenario when I wrote this post…you’re right, that is a definite up side to reality TV. ha! Seriously, your point about setting a good example is spot on. The Golden Rule lives.
Emily says
How do you teach appropriate levels of empathy? I work in a retail environment. We have some employees who seem to have empathy for coworkers, but not customers or vice versa. We also have employees who are SO aware of meeting and acknowledging other people’s emotional selves that they have difficulty setting appropriate work boundaries. This is a store with about 50 employees whose ages range from 16 to about 65 – where do you even start?
Natalya Sabga says
Wow! I never thought I would see a reference to “Snooki” nor “The Situation(?really?) on HR Bartender; however there is NO ONE other than you, Sharlyn, who could weave them in so effectively, astutely and ingeniously to prove a very valid point!!! Loved this post !!!!
Sharlyn Lauby says
@Emily – It’s a great question. The way we display empathy in a professional situation could be completely different than a personal matter. Sharing examples of empathy being used in an appropriate business context could be valuable.
@Natalya – Thanks so much for the comment. I’ve always wanted to mention Snooki in a post. LOL!
working girl says
I read once that empathy develops naturally at about the age of 6. Some people seem to have a greater natural store of it, perhaps linked to sensitivity and/or curiosity about others. But overstimulous kills empathy – so, if you feel overwhelmed it’s hard to take a breath and think about other people. Social media definitely contributes to overwhelm. I’m not sure if social media contributes to selfishness. It’s possible that so much focus on ‘selling’ yourself makes you forget about other people unless there’s something in it for you. But it’s also possible selfish people carry their selfishness into social media, while more generous people use it to connect with and help others.
In any event, I’m sorry to hear that about college students. If you aren’t trying to save the world in college… well, that just seems wrong to me.
Avi Singer says
Hey HRB-
Just covered this in a Customer Service Workshop yesterday. I was really surprised by how many employees didn’t realize that the most important part of customer service is empathy. I shared with them the US News and World Report and Rockefeller Corp report on 68% of customers leaving because of perceived indifference, a real eye opener!
Respond too fast, even with the right response, perceived indifference.
Respond too slow, even with the right response, perceived indifference.
Most of the negative feedback we get from clients are not about products or services, they are about feeling neglected.
I don’t know how to teach people to be more empathetic, but I can open up some eyes to the negative consequences of not having enough empathy and show them what empathy might look like. Hopefully, that’s a step in the right direction.
Sharlyn Lauby says
@Working Girl – Thanks for adding to the conversation. I like the way you framed how over stimulus kills empathy.
@Avi – I’m with you. Empathy is critical in delivering customer service. Thanks for commenting!