Recently, a reader left a very long comment on one of my older posts about exit interviews. You can check out the entire comment here. In short, the reader is overworked, underpaid, incredibly frustrated and ready to resign. (I think) their question is:
I don’t want to burn a bridge. But, should I tell my boss why I’m leaving even though I don’t think he will care?
Before I answer the question, I want to touch on a few things the reader mentioned. First, the timing of this reader’s comment really resonated with me. I had just ended a conversation with some colleagues about employee engagement. We were talking about the research over the past few years that indicated huge percentages of employees were dissatisfied with their jobs. But we didn’t see that dissatisfaction translate into turnover. I guess employees are just staying with the same company and being cranky.
Please folks…I can’t tell you to stay with a job or quit. But do try to find a way to deal with work frustrations. We all work with people we don’t particularly care for and have parts of our jobs we don’t like. Having some little tip or distraction handy will keep the daily annoyances from turning into big problems.
Another piece of this reader’s frustration is that the dentist boss is concerned more about patients than employees. I’m not condoning bad boss behavior but here are a couple ways to look at this. Patients = Revenue and Revenue = Employee Paychecks. Customers are key to the success of any business and if you don’t have them…well, you won’t be in business very long.
The dentist in this case might want to view his employees as the people who take care of the customers. If you treat employees well, they will treat customers well. Customers will be happy and spend money with you. There doesn’t have to be an “us versus them” attitude between customers and employees.
What I’ve seen happen so often is managers have an incredible amount of technical ability. But not an equal amount of leadership skills.
One of the biggest mistakes companies make is promoting highly technical people to management roles and not giving them the other skills necessary to be successful.
So whether it’s a solo dentist who also has to manage a small office team or any technically skilled director in a large corporation, each of us must have both technical expertise and leadership ability. And if the leadership piece isn’t there…well, employees get angry and frustrated and leave.
Now for the reader who asked about whether or not to tell the boss her real reason for leaving. Whenever I’m faced with this situation I ask myself two questions.
Do I need to tell someone in order to go “on the record”? For example, is something inappropriate happening and I need to make sure people realize that I will not condone the behavior.
Do I believe that telling someone will change things? Maybe there won’t be an immediate change and maybe it won’t change my decision. But will sharing my experience ultimately have a positive impact?
The answer to these two questions will probably tell you the path that’s best for you. Anything else you would share with this reader?
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Tom Gimbel says
My advice, most of the time, is don’t expose everything in an exit interview. In this day and age where networking and connectivity is paramount, you never know who knows who, and as a result, you don’t want to burn any bridges. If an employee is leaving a company because they hate their boss, it’s probably best not to disclose this when preparing to leave. However, you are right that if they are leaving due to something inappropriate that is happening, they should explain the situation.
Brendan says
I left a job in the fall and the employer definitely did not care why – oh, they were very, very angry with me for leaving but not at all interested in what made another employer look so much better, why I would leave a job after only 3 months, why they could not keep that position filled, etc.
In that time when the offer was tentative, I tried to settle some of the problems that had me listening to new possibilities. I did that to help me make up my mind and it was really effective. I saw that the problems were systemic and the boss was not interested in changing things.
So, in the end, when I gave notice and I left, no one asked me why and I decided that I did not need to volunteer the information. At that point, I’d found what amounted to a solution to my problem, i.e. moving to a different employer. All that remained were the problems of my then-current employer, the work environment, and again, they weren’t asking what was wrong.
In other words, the only reason that I’d have had to tell them why I left was to try to help them to solve a problem that wasn’t mine and that wasn’t something that they wanted to solve. It would not have worked, would have only left a bad taste there, so I kept quiet.
Andrew says
I think that a lot of people also fail to see the value in the exit interview, both from the employer’s and the employee’s perspective.
Some managers that I have spoken with, tell me that they are never able to get any worthwhile information from people leaving the organisation so they fail to make it a priority.
On the other end of the spectrum there are the leaving employees who have little to gain by providing constructive feedback, but much to lose if they manage to burn the bridge.
Sharlyn Lauby says
Thank you so much for the thoughtful comments!
@Tom – I know burning bridges weighs heavily in the decision. Hopefully there are times when a constructive conversation can take place without setting a bridge on fire.
@Brendan – I’ve heard recently several stories similar to yours. Especially where employees are leaving after a short period in time.
@Andrew – Exit interviews can provide very valuable information if they are done right and the information is used properly. I wrote a post about it a while ago. http://www.hrbartender.com/2010/employee/the-real-reason-for-exit-interviews/
Louise Ebrey says
Balancing Business and People skills with technical skills seems to me to be a critcial element that companies miss. We promote people or move them into expert roles based on the fact that they can do their techncial or operational role. Suddenly they are expected to manage other or teach them how to do that role. with no training or support to do this.
This is one of the most common problems I’m running into at the moment and I’m working with a number of people to help them make that transition.
If anyone has any ideas of how we can help organisations make this shift of thinking – please do let me know
Louise
Sharlyn Lauby says
Hi Louise. I’ve seen the same situation many times in my career. Organizations promote the most technically competent person without giving them the people skills necessary for the job.
To help people make the transition, I’ve designed training programs that offer the leadership foundation as well as individual coaching. The blend has been very successful.
d hensley says
WIIFM? If I am leaving why should I say anything? There is nothing in it for me. My legal counsel says you say nothing. You don’t owe anyone anything and have no ethical or moral obligation to explain yourself or justify yourself to anyone about why you are leaving. I am tired of this crap that implies you are obligated to explain yourself. You owe your former employer nothing.