I saw this recent article about CEOs apologizing for mistakes. It’s a long article filled with solid information about delivering an effective apology. The article also gives rise to the question…if you didn’t make a mistake, should you apologize? I know some people would say yes.
But, have you ever been in a situation where someone has apologized and didn’t mean it? False apologies really bug me. Even no apology is better than a fake one.
I can’t help but wonder if some people are so quick to blurt out the words “I’m sorry” these days that they don’t even know what it means anymore. Has “I’m sorry” become the new corporate customer service program? Granted, if you make a mistake, you should say “I’m sorry.” But, if you didn’t make a mistake, then is an apology really appropriate?
When I’m faced with a situation that sucks…instead of apologizing, I try empathizing. Put myself in the other person’s shoes. Here’s an example I think we can all relate to:
You’re just arriving at work and the phone rings. When you answer it, the person on the other end says: “What’s going on over there? Don’t you people answer the phone? I’ve been trying to call you for hours!”
Now, could we just say “sorry ’bout that” and get on with the conversation? Sure. But let’s face it…that does sound a bit lame. Another option is to connect with the person and calm their frustration by saying, “I know how frustrating that is so thanks for the calling back. How can I help you?” IMHO, that shows understanding and appreciation for the caller.
Don’t get me wrong…I’m not anti-apology. But “I’m sorry” is not a substitute for delivering good customer service. It’s important to use the word “sorry” in the right context. Or you’ll be sorry when that customer is gone for good.
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David Patrick says
I understand what you are saying maybe the “I’m sorry ” is saying I’m sorry that you are upset. But perhaps you are right.
Gwyn Teatro says
I think you make a good point. Apologies have to carry with them some meaning and yet so often the words “I’m sorry” are said not as an expression of true regret but as a means for moving on as quickly as possible. The evidence of this often shows up when the person on the receiving end of the apology is not quite ready to give up his or her hurt feelings and the person delivering the apology says something like,
“Well, I SAID I’m sorry!!”, as if those words automatically make it right.
A more sincere apology, in my mind, comes with a question like,
“What can I do to make it up to you?”
Recruiting Animal says
Empathy from people who don’t change their ways is meaningless. Just like a shrug of the shoulders sorry.
Some form of payback / compensation / reparation is all that counts. IOU. I will make it up to you.
When you can’t make it up to the person in real terms you have to suck up / provide a service to them in some way — if you want her to feel that you are serious about your concern.
Nadhiya Mali says
Totally agree with you, I ring up Airtel to post my compalints and i get a blatant sorry. the next second i hang up…
John Kador says
Many people worry that they might accept a “fake” apology.
We all want assurance that the apologizer is really sincere and he or she is really contrite. But the reality is that we can never be sure of what’s in another’s hearts. All we have to go on is what they do. And that’s why I say don’t worry so much about the apologizer’s motives. Look at the quality of the apology in terms of the language, the tone of voice, the quality of the restitution, and most important, the degree to which you can observe that the apologizer has really changed his or her conduct.
If someone wrongs me, and then comes to me with an apology that specifies what he did, admits that it was wrong, accepts responsibility for it, says he’s sorry, offers complete restitution, promises not to do it again and then demosntrates that promise over time, then I can accept that apology. It doens’t matter to me if an apology starts in cynicism, if it concludes with the offender actually ending the offending behavior and demonstrating a new approach to me and the world. That’s all I can expect of apology.