How to Work with Manipulative People – Ask hr bartender
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
I recently received a note from a reader asking a straightforward question. “I’m working in an office with some manipulative people. I need to understand more about how to deal with this.”
It’s a fair question. At work and in life, we encounter all types of people. And some might be manipulative. Just to make sure we’re on the same page, manipulative means “unscrupulous control of a situation or person”. The key word here being unscrupulous. It is possible that we might want to influence someone but do it in a data-driven manner. That’s not unscrupulous unless you’re lying about the data. But I don’t want to get us off track.
If you’re looking for some insights about working with manipulative people, here are a few resources that might help.
How to Work with a Manipulative Person
This Harvard Business Review article offers some insights into why manipulative people might hold positions of responsibility as well as some suggestions for how to deal with a manipulative situation. My takeaway from the article is that if I feel I’m dealing with a manipulative person or situation, I need to consider what I’m willing to do.
How to Handle Manipulative Coworkers, Managers, and Clients Like a Pro
This article from the HubSpot blog did a great job of outlining manipulative behaviors. So, if you’re saying to yourself, “This interaction doesn’t feel right. But I don’t want to be accused of overreacting.”, this article might offer some perspective. One of the things I appreciated in this article was the reality check that dealing with manipulative behaviors is something we will have to occasionally face. So we need to get comfortable with knowing how to manage the situation.
If you’re faced with a manipulative coworker or manager, it’s important to realize that you don’t have to deal with the issue alone. A manipulative colleague can be toxic to the workplace. A few years ago, I interviewed employment attorney Kate Bischoff about a workplace bullying situation. I hope you’ll check out the article. It’s a good reminder that if employees need someone to talk with, the human resources department can help. And they can also investigate matters of inappropriate behavior.
The bottom-line is that sometimes we work with people who say and do not-so-nice things. Sometimes we can chat with the person, explain our point of view, and move on without another incident happening again. Other times, we might need help because the person who is being manipulative is the boss or a leader in the organization. Or we need help because the situation has gotten a little out of control. If that’s the case – get some help. Talk to human resources or if your organization has a ombudsperson, reach out to them.
Hopefully, organizations and individuals can deal with manipulative situations and the persons involved. Unfortunately, if they are not, employees who feel that they are being manipulated might have to consider other options like moving to a different team … or even a different organization.
Images captured by Sharlyn Lauby while exploring the streets of West Palm Beach, FL
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