Working with Insensitive and Selfish Colleagues – Ask #HR Bartender
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Regular readers of HR Bartender know that I’m a fan of the free daily eNewsletter Morning Brew. But did you know they launched an HR version, called HR Brew? Well, they did and yes, you should check it out.
One of the features in HR Brew is called “Ask a Resourceful Human”. It’s where HR professionals answer letters from readers. In a recent edition, there was a reader note from someone who is highly allergic to peanuts and tree nuts. The reader has been open about their allergy, but their co-workers keep eating nuts.
The HR pro who answered the note was very respectful. They talked about the importance of keeping workplaces safe. But there was one sentence that jumped out at me. “Instead of offering up the observation that your colleagues are disrespectful jerks, I’m going to assume that they don’t understand that your allergy could be life-threatening.” Well, I’m going to say what this very nice HR pro didn’t say. Yes, your colleagues are disrespectful jerks. They are insensitive and selfish.
This isn’t about nuts. I like nuts. Eat them all the time. Except when someone tells me they’re allergic to them. Then I find a time when I’m not with that person to enjoy nuts.
As I was reading the article, I felt like there’s a bigger question to address. It was a topic at this year’s Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM) Talent Conference. Are your values aligned with the organization? I mean, if you’re working someplace where your co-workers ignore the fact that you have a life-threatening allergy to something, what else will they ignore? And will the organization allow it?
It’s sad to say but this happens in companies. There’s the situation where the top performing salesperson doesn’t have to follow the rules. Senior leaders who don’t change but expect their teams to. At some point you have to ask yourself, “Is this organization supportive of me as a person?”
Last year, I wrote an article about quitting titled “How Much Frustration Can You Deal With?” And that’s a question that everyone has to ask themselves. Yes, working with people involves frustrations. Most of the time, I’d like to think that those frustrations are minor. Maybe they even become a source of some good-natured laughs. I actually know a few past co-workers with differences that we were able to turn into some fun moments.
There are also frustrations with co-workers that end up in HR. That’s fine. HR and management are usually able to help the people involved reach a place where they can resolve their differences and move forward.
But some frustrations don’t end up getting resolved. One of the things we’ve learned over the past few years is that not every conflict can be resolved. Individuals need to be realistic and prepared for that scenario. Hopefully, it doesn’t go there.
I’m not saying these things because the reader needs to quit their job. Or that the HR person who offered some advice did anything wrong. To me, the scenario does raise the question, “What are you going to do if your colleagues continue to be jerks?” It could be about nuts … or maybe something else.
The article is a good reminder to think about your working relationships and the limits you’re willing to tolerate. It might also be a good idea to let those really fantastic colleagues you work with know how much you appreciate them.
Image captured by Sharlyn Lauby while at the Wynwood Art District in Miami, FL
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