I’ve seen a couple of blog posts recently about the need to restore empathy.
First, was Arianna Huffington’s piece in Fast Company on “The Rise of Empathy in America” and the other was Joe Gerstandt’s article titled “Bringing Empathy Back”. Both talk about the need for empathy – a thought I totally agree with.
When I conduct training sessions, empathy comes up a lot. And it’s very easy to have a discussion about the definition of empathy. As a general rule, people can tell you the difference between empathy and sympathy without too much difficultly.
Then comes the hard part. It’s tough to take the conversation and turn it into practice. We can talk about empathy but how many of us can really demonstrate it?
Honestly, it’s not as easy as it looks. Let me use an example I’ve dealt with.
I’ll go to a professional association meeting where people will start complaining about consultants. Not a specific consultant. But all consultants. It’s obvious that some rotten consultant has spoiled it for everyone. I get it. But I’m not sure I feel their pain while I’m listening to their consultant bashing session. Nor do I think the people doing the bashing are considering my feelings while I’m sitting there.
I’m not suggesting here that people shouldn’t have the ability to express their frustration. The point is when you can do it with empathy that really makes a difference. Using my example above, I’ve been in similar situations where someone says to me “Ya know Sharlyn, it must be painful to hear people talking trash about your profession.” And my response is “Yes, it’s even more painful to hear how frustrated you guys are. It’s not supposed to be like that.”
And there are plenty of similar examples in any given workplace. Go ahead and ask your employees about empathy. When I ask, the overwhelming response is “I don’t get it – why do I have to show empathy? I just need to answer their question or fix their problem.”
If organizations want employees to start solving their own problems and fixing customer issues, employees will need to learn empathy. Because if you can’t understand what the customer is feeling, how can you really fix their problems? Or frankly, if you can’t put yourself in the shoes of your customer – how will the company create new products and services that the customer really wants?
There’s lots of talk these days about big data and predictive analytics, but I’m not sure that everything can be processed using numbers. And while technology is fabulous and gives us a reach we never could have imagined, it doesn’t replace dealing with people.
Without empathy, companies will need to have lots of managers to answer every question and draw very complicated flow diagrams to cover every scenario. Bottom Line: We have to find some way for individuals to learn empathy and use it on a regular basis.
Image courtesy of Nancy Newell [Simutis]
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Michael Belk @workplace ethics says
You gave a good example of empathy, it shows how unaware of others we have become and how little we care for the feelings or others. Empathy is a very good way to put yourself of the shoes of others.
Dave Warawa - PROSALESGUY says
Here’s a great way to show empathy. When someone is telling you of a concerning situation …
1. Listen. REALLY Listen. Take notes if you can.
2. Do NOT interrupt. Let them tell you how they feel. When they think they have expressed themselves fully, they will stop.
3. Paraphrase them, citing not just what they said. Go further to tell them your perception of how they FELT. Start with with “If I understand you correctly…”. This could take up from 10s to 30s if you LISTENED properly.
4. Ask them “Is there anything I missed, or anything you’d like to add?”
Practice this and you will become an expert communicator and develop a very high level of rapport with people because you took the time to listen and understand their feelings.
Tips like this are the basis of the PROSALESGUY BLOG. http://www.prosalesguy.ca/blog.
Hope this helps!
Jill Malleck says
This is such a timely piece. People are catching on to the shallow customer-service training that teaches employees techniques without actually touching their hearts. Even over the phone we can tell if a person is connecting to our needs or is simply trying to get us off their back. I admire the work done on non-violent communications, and recommend the book The Empathy Factor by Marie Miyashiro. Speaking from a place of authenticity, recognizing and listening to our own feelings and needs, and learning to make direct requests are all skills that can be taught.
Sharlyn Lauby says
@Michael – Thanks for the comment!
@Dave – No argument from me on the importance of active listening. Thanks for commenting!
@Jill – Totally agree with your customer service observations. At some point, a lack of customer service is going to be the demise of some businesses, possibly even industries (if we’re not there already). BTW – I added a link to Marie’s book so others can check it out too. Thanks for sharing it!
Philip Borker says
Just throwing it out there, but I prefer sympathy rather than empathy. As a leader, there is no utility in occupying someone elses “shoes” so to speak. For me, empathy would cloud my judgement, it would risk the leader(host) becoming taken over by the squeaky wheel(unregulated cell/virus). As much as I may preach open door leadership and accessibility,mthere must be boundaries as well. Where do I begin and end in relation to those I lead. This is in no way to posit that a leader should not make every effort to learn and understand and when needed sympathize with those in his/her charge. For me, leadership is as much an inward task as it is an outward one. Just throwing another view out there.
Sharlyn Lauby says
Hi Philip. I agree that sympathy is an important quality. It doesn’t have to exist at the expense of empathy. Sometimes sympathy is exactly the right response and sometimes it’s not. I believe leadership is about figuring out which one to use … and when. Thanks for throwing another POV out there.
Duncan - Vetter says
I try to be proactive, learn how employees fell about certain things before they become a big problem.
For example, my team works shifts (at my day job in a bank, not Vetter), and 1 of the guys hates his shift. He’s 3 weeks into a 2 month rotation on it. I know he hates it because in our weekly 1on1 I asked him how he feels about the shift.
…so I’ll keep an eye on this, ask him every week how things are going. If he’s still hating it in Month 2, then I might look at switching some stuff around. He’s a good team member, so I’d hate to see him leave over an issue I might be able to help.
karin hurt says
I find empathy one of the most important factors in any customer service or leadership situation. Sometimes people are moving too fast to concentrate and feel it. Slowing down is a good first step.
Sharlyn Lauby says
Karin – Thanks for the comment. I like the ‘slow down’ approach.