Don’t know the reason, but I’ve been noticing a lot of conversation lately about speaking up, giving feedback and all-around “conflict is healthy” talk. While I agree with most – if not all – of the conversation, I find that any discussion about putting disagreement on the table usually comes with questions regarding the consequences of doing so.
Employees want to believe they can provide honest feedback but are worried something bad will happen as a result – maybe they would get a negative reference or have their hours cut. So, I wanted to take this concern to the streets and ask some business leaders for their insights.
And who could be better to discuss this workplace challenge than Alison Green, author of the very successful blog Ask a Manager. As the former chief of staff for a Washington D.C. based non-profit, Alison has that real-life, in-the-trenches manager expertise, so I posed the question “What would you say to an employee who is afraid they will be retaliated against?”
Good managers WANT to hear feedback, including critical feedback. Because good managers are so committed to identifying ways the organization can do better, they’re eager to get feedback and genuinely want to hear dissent. They don’t get defensive or shut out differing opinions. They’ll usually thank an employee for sharing complaints, and they really mean it. And the best ones will go out of their way to make employees feel safe about speaking up.
Now, if you have a bad manager, all of this goes out the window, and there’s little you can do about it.
So the key for employees is to know what kind of manager they’re dealing with — to observe how the manager deals with other employees, with bad news, with critical input — and to make decisions accordingly.
But the conversation about retaliation isn’t just at the employee level. I hear stories all the time from managers who need to discipline an employee but are concerned that, if they do, the employee will file a complaint about them – whether that’s to human resources or an outside agency. So I reached out to a couple more HR colleagues to get their take on this.
Steve Browne, executive director of human resources for LaRosa’s Inc., a Cincinnati based regional pizzeria, says managers need to understand “employees have the right to go to any agency they choose because they’re employees and you can’t stop them from doing that. However, to not discipline is a poor decision. If employees see someone who is ‘threatening’ getting away with poor behavior or performance, it will have more long-term effects than any action anyone says they’ll take. Supervisors who act in fear are like blood in the water to people who bully their way at work. Stand up to them and be consistent.”
Robin Schooling, SPHR, a vice president of human resources with over 20 years of HR management experience in various industries including health care, banking and manufacturing agrees.
When contemplating ANY type of corrective action, be thoughtful – ensure the corrective action you are contemplating is appropriate in relation to the employee’s knowledge of expected behavior and performance, company policies, applicable laws/regulations (i.e. any “protected activity”), and in accordance with company precedence for similarly situated employees. By following this evaluation step, you allow yourself the opportunity to evaluate the issue on its own merits – how would you handle it were you NOT thinking about the possibility of a complaint? I often maintain a written outline (word doc) of my decision points when contemplating a corrective action, which has proven to be very helpful when, months later, I need to recall how I moved from “Employee A’s Action” to “Decision to Discipline.”
So while we can calm the fears of our employees and offer advice to managers, the real key is creating a workplace that nurtures trust and open conversation. Cali Williams Yost, CEO of Work+Life Fit. Inc. and author of “Work+Life: Finding the Fit That’s Right for You” suggests listening to your fear of retaliation and then testing it to make sure it’s based on fact. Ask yourself the following questions:
- Have you seen your manager retaliate against a colleague for asking for more flexibility? If the answer is no, then discuss your plan with your manager. If the answer is yes, you did see retaliation, then ask yourself, what were the circumstances?
- Was it retaliation or was there a legitimate question of performance that would make your manager hesitant to approve flexibility? If you think it was retaliation, then reconsider presenting your plan and start thinking about finding another job. If there were real problems with performance, then move forward to talk with your manager.
Cali offers some tips for presenting a plan that will get the most positive consideration over on her blog. Be sure to check it out here.
Being in a position to offer suggestions, feedback and constructive criticism is essential to your organization’s success. It’s important for companies to create a work environment that encourages open dialogue. Managers must feel confident in their roles by setting proper expectations and holding others accountable. Employees need to be encouraged to offer ideas and opinions that will make the organization a better place to work.
It’s time to move the retaliation conversation off the table, so the real work can begin.
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Gina DeLapa says
Sharlyn, thanks for the thought-provoking, content-rich post! As a communication consultant, I too am seeing more and more interest in how to give feedback in the workplace, especially how to give feedback to a manager.
I agree with Alison Green that it all depends on what kind of manager one has. And it’s interesting that what separates good managers from bad ones is their openness to feedback — because that’s exactly what managers want from their employees.
I used to think coachability was a simple matter of business communication skills — and while communication skills can certainly help finesse the message, I think ultimately it comes down to courage and humility. Only with these qualities can managers accept (and seek out) the feedback that leads to their growth – and to expect their teams to do the same.
Your thoughts?
@maestroCG
David Stillwagon says
The thought of retaliation prevents quite a few direct, frank discussion between employer and employees. Even yearly surveys that are suppose to be anonymous are filled out carefully as if any negative feedback will get back to the employer.
Sharlyn Lauby says
@Gina – Thanks for the comment. I agree feedback is a two-way street. You can give all the feedback you want but if the recipient isn’t open to it…the conversation has gone nowhere.
@David – Good point about perceptions. It reminds me of a conversation I had last week. A colleague was talking about a situation and mentioned a particular aspect as being odd. I agreed that it was odd. Immediately, another person jumped in with a “give us a break” comment. I’m thinking…if I can’t say something is odd, then what kind of real dialogue do you expect to get from people.
Brian Bruce - HeadHunterBrian says
As a 23 year veteran of operations management in the restaurant industry, I’ve seen managers run being run over by their staff for lack of courage and willingness to confront a subordinate bully.
I covered this topic from the other side, supervisors bullying their staff in a post on my blog here http://bit.ly/bnzG82 .
Barbara Wilson says
I’d be interested in any feedback you have on employees who bully their boss. I have a colleague who is quite intelligent and well versed in her job, so she is a definite asset to the company. However she is mean to others and often does things in the name of our boss that he is not supportive of. Unfortunately, he is completely intimidated by her and won’t do anything about how mean and nasty she is. When we have brought it up with him, he says that the company needs her too badly and he couldn’t do his job without her, so he’s dependent on her and doesn’t want her to quit. People in other departments consider him a wimp as a result, so it ends up hurting the rest of us in getting our work done. Do you know of any online articles or blog posts about employees who bully their boss?
Gina DeLapa says
Barbara, as a communication consultant, I can appreciate how frustrating it is to deal with not only an office bully, but a boss who dares not confront. Maybe these resources will help your boss, or help you. Hopefully both!
First, a 5-minute excerpt by Mark Murphy of Leadership IQ, speaking on managing talented terrors — which is exactly what you’re dealing with:
http://bit.ly/aFP8Gn
One of the biggest myths around talented terrors is that they’re high performers. They are not! Only those with top skills and great attitudes merit the status of high performers. Recognizing this makes it easier, I think, to address the problem — because you’re really dealing with a low performer. So in a sense, you have less to lose and more to gain.
The poisonous attitudes of a talented terror cause untold stress to those around them, not to mention lost productivity. They’re a distraction, and an impediment to the work flow. I am sure you have co-workers who have thought of leaving, because of this issue.
Another great resource: Integrity by Dr. Henry Cloud.
http://www.amazon.com/Integrity-Courage-Meet-Demands-Reality/dp/0060849681
Chapter 2, “Character, Integrity, and Reality,” outlines what these sorts of bullies cost an organization. Sharing this chapter with your boss might give him the courage to confront the unacceptable behavior.
Unfortunately, if the inability to confront persists, you may find you’re dealing with a low-performing manager — not a bad guy, just someone who isn’t living up to the leadership role.
Ultimately, the question isn’t about your boss or the bullying co-worker; it’s about, “How has this situation got me thinking, feeling and acting — and is that okay?” Stay strong, and trust your instincts!
@maestroCG
Siger says
Youa re right on all accounts a good manager knowing about some bullying deed will intervene and stop the bully in his/her tracks following the rules of the art. Oral warning behind close doors to the culprit detailing his/her bad deed and warning her/him that no other bullying will be tolerated. Unfortunately it was never applied by the boneless people being my managers in 35 years of career. They actually promoted both the bully who had driven me to a month of leave of absence for burn out, and to my resignation from that post under his stupid management, and the wimpy DG boss was also promoted. This is so sad and this is life. No wonder some people go postal.
DEB says
Corporations really do nothing to make sure that office bullying stops. Ms. Lauby, I was severely bullied by my manager for 2 years and my Sr. Manager did nothing but promote him. Even HR knew but did nothing. Your article does not really provide good, actionable recommendations. I felt like it was more of a directionless, fluff reading. Workplace bullying happens everywhere and the only source I found that helped me greatly is the following website: http://www.workplacebullying.org. This is the only place where I felt I was heard!
Sharlyn Lauby says
@Barbara – I noticed a few folks have jumped in to offer some resources regarding bullying. I hope they are helpful. I’ve seen several people write about workplace bullying on Twitter and invited them to post their resources as well.
@Siger – Thanks for sharing your story. I agree that at some point the matter needs to be confronted.
@Gina and @Brian – Thanks for sharing your resources. You both mentioned a key point – having the courage to speak up.
@Deb – Thanks for sharing your thoughts and the resource. I believe there’s a fine line between retaliation and bullying. One may exist without the other. And it’s important that we understand the differences because they are often handled very differently.
Marguerite Granat says
Sharlyn, in an unhealthy work environment where bullying is permitted and there is lack of trust- it is critical for those that deal with the “bully” to be prepared for the worst. In one of my posts in my blog I offer some tips with a twist from leaders from history that might help those that are captive to this situation:
http://bit.ly/9KSBki
Thanks Sharlyn for gathering all these perspectives and resources on this topic.
Marguerite
Sharlyn Lauby says
Thanks for sharing Marguerite. It’s easy to see how a fear of retaliation can manifest itself from a lack of trust.
Catherine Mattice says
I am an SME on the topic of workplace bullying so thought I’d jump in.
Several of you have commented that the bullying is often allowed to persist because no one will say anything to him or her. This is true for several reasons. For one, nobody really knows what it is. If you tell your manager you are being sexually harassed – that’s easy! There’s a corporate policy already in place, investigative procedures to follow, and it’s easy to define. If you go to your manager and say you are being bullied, abused, or harassed, it is a lot harder for them to understand what you are saying. In addition, unless the harassment falls under a protected class, it is legal. This means most companies don’t have policies against equal-opportunity-bullying. There’s no guidelines to follow, leaving management lost on how to respond to your complaint.
I liked Gina’s point – often bullies are seen as high performers the company can’t live without – but if they are literally driving performance down in everyone else then certainly they are anything but.
If you are being bullied, here are some quick tips for talking to management or HR about it:
1. Collect all the documentation you can. Save emails, memos, and other tangible items. Keep a journal of all incidences, including who saw, dates and times, and where it occured. While it will be difficult, do your best to keep your emotions out of the journal.
2. Visit the employer tab on our site, http://www.NoWorkplaceBullies.com. It will provide you with lots of amunition to present to HR/managers, including a white paper and worksheet that lays out the costs of a bully.
3. Present the facts to HR/management. While discussing what’s happened, as difficult as it will be, keep the “I feel…” statements out. This makes the story about you and makes you appear as a victim. And research finds that most targets are seen as the problem. Telling the story with facts and documentation makes the story about the bully and you are instead seen as a target, and hopefully this results in the bully being seen as the problem instead.
4. Do your best to keep the bully from hurting your work. Bullies drive down performance, and if managers are looking at the numbers you will be seen as the poor performer. This is a difficult task, but do everything you can to stay that top performer you know you are.
5. Use assertive body language. Keep your chin up, make eye contact with the bully, hands on hips or at your side, both feet planted on the ground, toes forward, lean forward slightly, and use the bully’s name often during converstations with him or her.
6. In the end, ask yourself how much your dignity and health is worth. If your manager will not stand up to the bully and the company will not take steps to address it, then find another place to work. You don’t need them.
If you are an employer with a bully-problem, you must address it. No matter how much that person appears to be irreplaceable, that simply isn’t true. Check out our whitepaper, How much does a workplace bully really cost, to find out what kind of damage they are causing. We’ve also got a worksheet to help you determine how much your own organization as spent on the bully’s behaviors. We offer training for managers on identifying bullying and dealing with the behaviors, if anyone’s interested.
Sharlyn Lauby says
Thanks Catherine for sharing your expertise. Lots of information to digest here.