My husband served in the Navy for 22 years. The Navy never asked me how I felt about moving, losing career momentum, handling six -10 month deployments alone, having no contact with my spouse for long periods of time, etc. We spent 7 years, me on the West Coast and he on the East Coast so I could have some sort of career. Those were OUR CHOICES so I could get ahead too.

I shouldn’t have to pick up extra work because of choices other people make. And I would have no expectation that all playing surfaces are flat and equal for everyone. They aren’t.

I think we need more matter-of-factness in some situations and less appeasement. We all make choices and we should all own them.

Employers have the right to determine their expectations for performance and availability for all jobs, and employees have the right to seek employment that meets their needs. I have always worked full time, while raising one child (I stopped at one intentionally, because I knew I would always work full time — so there’s a choice I made). My husband and I have balanced jobs and family well, with only minor impact on either of our careers and I don’t think any real impact on our family. But still, there were choices. I intentionally chose jobs that had limited travel; he intentionally changed industries to work a “normal” schedule. We’re OK with those choices.

What annoys me is parents who request reduced work schedules, and are granted same, yet still expect to be given the same consideration for promotions as their non-reduced schedule counterparts. Making the decision to take family-friendly schedules is a choice. Those of us who don’t ask for that perk are making the choice to forgo more time with our families. So I might expect to move up a little faster because I’ve put in the time. It just is what it is. Own your choices!

I was a little older when I married, and definitely remember expectations that I be the one to fill in because of someone’s else’s family responsibilities – and I was in the Army where the tongue-in-cheek comment about family responsbilities used to be that “if the Army had wanted you to have a wife/husband/child, they would have issued you one.”

I took a few years away from full-time employment, when my son was born. It was a decision I always knew I would make. I definitely lost career “momentum” as a result and my military career was never the same when I went back. I believe that the impact on my potential for advancement was permanent. However, being home with him for those first few years was something that I placed a high value on. I believe that it will have a lasting, positive impact on the man my son becomes, so for me, it was the right decision and one I will never regret.

By the way, when I went back into the Army, my husband was leaving salaried employment to start a business – the one we now run together. In our situation, he was working from home, and took over primary child-care responsbilities, which he balanced fairly well with the demands of owning a business while I was suddenly working 12-14 hour days, 6 days a week. My son got to experience both of us being the primary caregiver at different times in his childhood. I think that that will also positively affect the man he becomes.