There’s been a long standing rule of business that you never want to cry at work. No exceptions. It doesn’t matter what happens – death, sickness, whatever…the rule was you don’t cry at work. Once you were branded a ‘crier’ – your career was over.
I think if we haven’t learned anything over the past 18 months, it’s that there are no more sacred cows. That includes changing the way we view work and people’s behavior. While I’m certainly not advocating crying at the drop of a hat, maybe we need to view tears in the workplace a little bit differently.
Big revelation: at work, our employees are under a tremendous amount of pressure. These days, the chances are they’ve been asked to do more work with fewer resources. It’s possible they aren’t receiving adequate training and support from their company. It’s also very possible they aren’t getting regular feedback from their manager. If that doesn’t put a person on edge…I don’t know what will.
On the home front, employees might be experiencing difficulties as well. Maybe a spouse or significant other has lost their job. Unemployment insurance payments don’t cover the rent and utilities. Savings are running low. Meanwhile, the kids need money for lunches, field trips and friend’s birthday gifts. Any of this starting to sound familiar?
I’m not a psychologist but IMHO, the culmination of all these factors can send the strongest people to the breaking point. For many, this is about survival…not just a little belt-tightening in the household budget.
Dr. Bret Simmons recently wrote a post about how to deal with crying in the office. It’s a good read so be sure to check it out. He tells us that crying should be treated as a symptom, not a problem. In addition to Dr. Bret’s observations about the possibility of crying being linked to employee engagement and morale, let me toss out my own two-cents. As leaders, it’s important to keep some perspective about what is currently happening in our companies as well as our communities and be empathetic to others.
Most of us have never dealt with the kind of economic challenges we’re currently facing. Things appear to be improving, but I think there are still some hard times ahead. Let’s not apply old school rules to a set of new world challenges.
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Hi! I'm Sharlyn Lauby, an HR pro turned consultant. I created the HR Bartender blog so people would have a friendly place to discuss workplace issues. And since, over the years, I've developed an appreciation for the culinary arts (translation: I'm a Foodie) you'll see some of that here too. So, pull up a stool and order your favorite drink . . . the bar is always open.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
I have worked in fast-moving, high-pressure situations with all kinds of people. I think that some of the criers I’ve known are among the best I’ve worked with. Emotions are part of who we are, and frankly I trust those that have the most human connection to their work.
As a leader in my firm, I’m a pretty well-balanced and empathetic facilitator, but I’m also a hat-drop crier when emotionally moved and motivated. So I do fine with staff who need release this way. Like my mother always told me, you’ve got to work through it, not around it, and if that includes a cathartic cry, then so be it.
I think crying IS treated as a symptom. What’s the FIRST THING (usually) asked of a cryer?
“What’s wrong?”
The “no cyring at work” standard smacks of machoness to me. Remember when we as a society told little boys not to cry…how awful for them – especially when they were so young. We’ve grown to not do that to little boys and now hopefully we’ll learn to not do that to anyone.
I agree crying at the drop of a hat is silly. But crying after having a child and trying to figure all that out, having your job usurped by someone else while you were on maternity leave with management’s approval and support, then having management tell you point blank that you have a week to decide if you want to get with the program…or get out…might just be cause to cry…I’m just sayin’
@Tim – thanks for sharing your viewpoint. I hope more people look at situations the way you do.
@Kevin – excellent point. We can all be moved by emotion and it doesn’t always have to be negative.
@Maureen – so true. I guess we should be asking “do you want to talk about it?” instead of assuming something is wrong.
@Leanne – I agree in today’s economy, people are being asked to make huge decisions in short time frames with little information. And, chances are they haven’t been trained in the past on how to work through these kinds of decisions. The pressure just builds and people need some kind of release.
Thanks HRB . Great Great blog! And thanks for your wisdom in raising this timely topic.
I am often left wondering why many people have to leave their personality at the door. Go to work and do that job…leave your brain (sometimes both lobes) at the door when you come in!
Well if you have been to any bar and overheard after work conversations that is where the outpouring of what is good and bad about work is said perhaps because of the in pouring of alcohol. Sometimes it does not even take alcohol!
I fully agree with your sentiments our people are under pressure, but you know what? “Twus ever thus” That’s why unions came on the scene to do the work managers didn’t!
What an indictment companies need unions to take care of their employees!! Now I cut my teeth in the highly unionized auto manufacturing business so I am good to go with Unions, some great visionaries lie in that arena, many better then the managers I worked with!
Now I am not a psychologist either but is not crying an emotion and is that not what we ask for in engaged employees.” We ask and want engagement and the hearts and minds” It’s harnessing that emotion in a positive way that is our raison d’êtres.
Until I worked in healthcare the only person I ever saw cry was a quality manager who was being chastised because of the high level of rejects. In healthcare I found that that it was good to cry and often did, just because we loved what we did and cared enough to show unabashed emotion.
I agree we need to throw away old outdated thoughts and truly engage people. The sad statistic is that only around 20% are, so we need to do a much better job!
With the heart and soul comes the stuff that people are made of.
Very well handled…and very true. So many of us are at the breaking point, and are just told “At least you have a job.” I can’t help wondering how many people will get sick or even die as a result of the economic and personal pressure….and then to bottle it up by feeling unable to cry. Thank you for opening the subject.
@ Peter – thanks for the kind words. You are so right when you draw the connection of employee engagement to the heart and soul of an organization.
@Lindsay – thanks for commenting. While on some levels it’s true that we are thankful to have jobs, it’s just plain wrong to throw it up in employee’s faces.